...a renewal of vows to the Lover of my Soul

So yesterday...during church...I stood up because I prayed to Christ to save me. It's hard to explain but before I did the I was ridden with doubt of whether or not I knew Christ and if I'd prayed that prayer of surrender before.

The truth is that I vaguely remember being a young kid, possibly about 7 or 8 and being in my parents bedroom and just believing in Christ because my Dad told me about Him. It wasn't until high school when I moved to South Carolina that I really saw what it was to live for Him. I moved to a town that was in the Bible belt and not so fast paced, I come from Houston, so it wasn't hard to slow down.

I lived life and Christ was very real to me. I experienced His truth and His leanings. I walked with Him.

Then last week I went to church and a haunting image was brought up. Judas...he hung out in Christ's presence for 3 years...and still betrayed Him. Also the week before my mom stood up in church and prayed a prayer of sacrifice and repentance. I've looked up to her so much in my life and to see her display humility and stand, really rocked me to my core.

The week went by and I read things about how Christ can be the love of your life. When I thought of my life I thought of how it was chaotic and how I was chasing people and habits to make me whole. It didn't match up with scripture. I was confused.

So last Monday...or Tuesday...either way early last week, I talked to God and cried out my heart to Him and said that if He wanted me to stand up I needed to be open to it. If He wanted me to "march around my own Jericho" I would.

Then last night, as I sit in my seat...right next to my best friend in the whole world. I felt God's obvious knock on my heart. It was time to stand.

I can't really explain what has happened in me since then but I feel like my heart was power washed of all the disgusting grime and I'm free. I'm peaceful and renewed. I'm not sure what happened before last night as for my relationship with Christ, but He definitely was calling me to swallow my pride and take a stand for Him. It'd be foolish to not comply.

I pray that my life looks different now. I pray that habits I found myself running to are gone. I pray for freedom. I pray that this radical act of obedience blessed my Father in Heaven and now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll be with Him some day. My His Glory be boldly displayed in this redeemed sinner. If this is what it took for my relationship with Christ to go to the next level and for me to be fully satisfied in Him...then I'm so grateful that He gave me the courage to surrender to His grace and goodness.

I hope you find a peace that passes all understanding when you think about your Father in Heaven smiling on you and being with you for all your days here on earth and then an eternity in Heaven.

...in the coffee shop lounge

Today I'm working at my coffee shop or coffeehouse. Which ever you wish to call it. Either way...I've had an interesting finding this morning.

As I look in our lounge I see in the back corner a couple. Let's call them the Spanish lovers, because well, they're Spanish and judging from the fact that they've been staring into each other's eyes for approximately an hour, I'd assume they're at least in like with one another. They came in and ordered some pastries that I put on a plate and I've now been waiting about 3 hours to wash that single dish.

Leave the lovers and let me explain another visitor. There's a man that has been in and out of here all morning. He has yet to purchase a single thing. He's very tall so he's not easy to miss, he also drives a moped and parks it right next to the door...also not easy to overlook. Either way, he naps in the lounge with head phones on his ears.

Now for the interesting part, you see the sleeping tall man always naps in the chairs in the back corner of our lounge...exactly where the Spanish lovers are. So as I walk by the lounge, I see the tall man awkwardly napping and the lovers intently gazing into each other's eyes within a foot of one another!

I love when social norms and personal space boundaries are broken!

Also I wonder when people ask me if it's been busy up at the coffee shop if they're asking if I think we're going to go out of business? They give this look of anticipation and then of relief when I tell them it has been busy, or "steady" whatever that means.

Either way...enjoy today.

Honey Mustard AND Ranch

Today I ordered some food from one of my favorite local resturants and as I sit here ready to eat it, I realize that I have two sauces to go with my meal. Normally people (yes this is a generalization, but I do work for a resturaunt so I can assume from experience) only get one sauce to go with their meal/salad. Not I, I can't settle for just one.

So I'm now pondering what this says about me. I'm going to be honest with you, and myself, and say that in more than one genre of my life do I take this indecisive stance= meaning not a stance at all. I often let my feelings in the moment dictate what I eat or where I'm going. Sometimes I find myself not wanting to miss out on something but instead to experience things fully.

Let's look specifically at the sauces (honey mustard and ranch), now both of these sauces are good. I mean really good. Like both are in my top sauce choices and on this special day I'm have some sweet potato chips with them. Side note, if you haven't experienced the phenomenon that is sweet potato chips, you're really missing out. I don't get how they taste so good. Alright, back on track, so these two sauces. I wasn't sure if I'd want honey mustard, or ranch more with my food today. Unfortunately, one will more than likely be chosen over the other and I'll end up throwing away a good bit of the less popular sauce. Now that just goes for today though.

I actually just finished my lunch and sure enough, the majority of the ranch went in the trash. This is no reflection on how great the ranch is. The ranch was wonderful. This leaves a question in my mind though. So I claim to want to experience things deeply, so if I'm trying to experience two things at once, then I'm not experiencing either of them fully. But if I pick just one, then I feel like I'm missing out on the other.

Let's bring this to real life. Currently I'm in a relationship with someone I've dated for over a year now and I'm freaking out inside. Looking for any sign of incompatablity for an excuse to leave. Now here's what I'm afraid of, that I'll end up with this amazing person only to find that someone else is great too.

Ranch used to be my favorite sauce. I'd have it as a faithful companion to every meal. But then I got tired of it. Does that happen with people? Do we just view people in a selfish way? If I'm just with someone because I find it convenient and easy is that worth anything? Why did my ranch sauce get old? The taste was the same.

This is just something I'm dealing with and I wonder if anyone can relate.

What a tree told me...not actually, but hypothetically

So early this week it snowed in my town. I'm not sure if it's ever snowed that much in this town, it was very unexpected.

I was driving down the road 2 days ago and I saw an enormous percentage of trees that were uprooted. Many yards were ruined and roots exposed. This got the wheels in my mind turning.

Theses trees that were uprooted were huge! Like really, really tall and bulky. Plus, they'd been there for a long time. I found it really hard to believe that they feel down so easily under the weigh of the unexpected snow.

What are my "roots" in? More than that, are my roots in unshakable ground?

Did I mention that about 1 and a half days prior it was raining and raining and raining so the ground was nice and softened. Isn't that how life is sometimes? When it rains it pours. The "ground" in life seems so un-solid.

So my question is when something unexpected happens and you'll already weakened because of the circumstances that have surrounded you for so long, are you going to fall over?

Hezekiah in 2 Chronicles 32:1-23 didn't topple over when bombarded and invaded with unexpected war. He proclaimed a God that delivers and is faithful and unwavering despite the uncertain circumstances that awaited him.

Where are your roots? What are your circumstances? Feeling like falling over when unexpected storms come?

May you be rooted in Christ who doesn't change and is everlasting.

So I still have this? what?

Honestly I didn't think that or actually forgot that I had a blog! So what a surprise to go to this website and see that it's still here...or ever was here!

Interestingly enough I actually was coming to this website to recreate a blog because well I've got something to write about...oddly enough.

So yesterday, I had an insurance saleswoman job and now I don't anymore. It would have seemed that I was in a prison without windows. There were no windows.

Now I'm sitting in Panera Bread watching/listening to a "businessman" yell/talk so loudly that everyone can hear at one of his employees...in the restaurant.

When I got to Panera, mark day one of being out of the money-driven business world, there's a business meeting in the back, in my range of vision. Hmmm...

Yep, don't miss it.

The " Make Due" Mindset

I just had a conversation with my mom and she said " You'll just have to make due." about ten times. I haven't ever been so struck with the reoccurence of this phrase until this morning. My whole life, I've been sort of the black sheep (only in my opinion though, maybe I just want to be the black sheep?) of my family. I've always desired to get things done and not be so laid back about everything. I've often viewed this laid-backedness as sheer passivism. That's not the case though, I've now come to realize that my parents have a mindset. The "Make-Due" mindset.
What does this mindset mean? I believe that somewhere along the line, my mother and father got comfortable with the just getting by attitude. Not wanting finer better things. When does making due over take you so that you no longer realize that there's something beyond that "due"? Let me tell you the exact conversation that got my mind turning on this. For the past 6 monthes I haven't had a mop to clean the bathroom floor with. The bathroom floor gets so disguisting, so often times, I've had to get down on all fours and scrub the floor with a wash rag or hand towel...not fun. Plus the fumes from the cleaner are so strong that I fight passing out everytime! So I really want to get one of those neat Swiffer wet jet things. We use one at work and it's so nice, plus it smells good too. Not toxic or pukish, like the cleaner we currently use.
So when I told my mom about what I'd been plotting to do, buy a Swiffer, she said..."Well you'll just have to make due with what you have." Like I hadn't already been quote " making due" unquote for 6 monthes prior. My question is when do you not "make due" any longer? Do you just wake up one day and say " Hey, I'm not going to make due in this way, this way, or this way any longer." Or, do you realize that you need things changed and set out to change them? In my opinion the "make due" mindset is a cop out for not changing.
If there's no drive for improvement, for better, you might as well not exist. By no means do I mean this literally, I know that those are hard words, but God didn't call us here to just exist. He calls us to live for Christ. If this is true, than Christ didn't just "make due," He was excellent and not defeated. Not defeated by current circumstances or financial problems. Christ is responsible for the drive inside of us all for more, for better, for excellence. I just don't see where being content with a "make-due" life fits in.

It's been a while...

I'm a comm. major at my university and let's just be honest for a moment. I'm not that media savvy. I mean sure, I like computers and I even have an Apple, but on the whole, I have no idea what html, trl, or //http: even means. I'm supposed to. I'm a senior and I've changed my major more times than I can count on one hand and I'm supposed to be graduating 3 semesters from now (not counting this one...I'm trying to look on the bright side, seeing as though this semester just started, it should probably be counted, but I'm not going to do it!) Either way, the first day of class was all of 2 weeks ago and here I sit, writing on my blog. having already skipped 2 classes this semester. What is it about school that makes me want to quit it? It is way more fun to just reap the benefits of being at college and do with out all the class, unfortunately an existentialistic viewpoint like that is not regularly accepted.
So my next point, I, like many other women I'm assuming, have a problem sometimes living up to what they are told they should look like. For instance, I've been really hyperfocused recently on my skin, that keeps breaking out. The problem is that it's a vicious cycle of events because the more you worry about your skin, the more you break out! I wish that for just one second, perhaps even one millisecond, New York minute, whatever, that we could fathom how amazingly beautiful we are to God.http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=57&chapter=4&verse=8&version=65&context=verse Or perhaps realize that He calls us to so much more than focusing on what's around us.
So I encourage you, reader, to look at things not seen, but on the unseen. The greater things of this world are worth focusing on, not the things that come and go with the wind. Here's a look at an awesome campaign out there promoting real beauty, hopefully you'll find it as uplifting as I did: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/ I took some quizzes and I was really encouraged at the end of them...this could be for guys too! Everyone have a good day! Who knows, I might get back into this writing thing!